ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
