is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
