I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
