literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize