somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
