I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize