I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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