I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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