That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize