It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
