Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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