On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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