Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
