Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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