Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
