i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
love makes seman taste better
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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