Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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