nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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