told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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