Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
