did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
