So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
