I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
