and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
