you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
