I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
