Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
