but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
