Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I need water and some morals
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
