So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
