I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
