They should really pass out barf bags in church
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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