DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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