I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
