i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
