Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
