I'm lost and stupid without you.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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