i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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