I smell stomach acid.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
