just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
