i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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