she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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