Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
