...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You took a bar mat shot.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
