I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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