I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize