I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
