Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
