How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's blow job season.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize