She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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