This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize