I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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