i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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