I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
