I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
