And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
