Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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