my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
