cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
