He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
