I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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