there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The air was thick with penises
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
