walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
