the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
