I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
