This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
