worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
