wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
