Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
